5 Things Your LGBTQ Co-Workers Wish You Knew - The muse

5 Things Your LGBTQ Co-Workers Wish You Knew - The muse5 Things Your LGBTQ Co-Workers Wish You KnewScenario Youre eating your Sunday dinner leftovers at lunch Monday with co-workers when one of your colleagues starts chatting about her dating life (or lack thereof). Men are so confusing. I wish I was a lesbian, she says, turning to look at you. You guys have it so easy And suddenly, what was just a mundane conversation about everyones weekend turns into a conversation that inadvertently puts you in the hot seat. Its seemingly inoffensive conversations like this that inspired me to get so involved in the queer community. After I came out freshman year of college, I eagerly joined LGBTQ meetups on campus learning as much as I could. Later Id become a queer leader on campus, getting a minor in LGBTQ Studies and helping with campus trainings on more inclusive language to create safe spaces.A 2011 study reported that 3.8% of the total U.S. adult population identified as lesbian, gay, bise xual, or transgender. The study stated, This implies that there are approximately 9 million LGBT Americans, a figure roughly equivalent to the population of New Jersey, and an even newer study showed that 7% of Millennials identify within the LGBTQ community. If numbers arent your thing, Ill cut to the chase Were everywhere. We could be your hiring manager, your desk neighbor, or even your babo. Almost every time Ive called co-workers out for saying something offensive, they are usually embarrassed, but also eager to make sure it doesnt happen again. (We wont talk about the times when it doesnt go that way today, because thats abedrngnisher article.) What Ive learned from these discussions is that theres a knowledge gap- and that filling it in could help avoid these moments from happening.On that note, here are five things your LGBTQ co-workers wish everyone else in the office knew.1. Not All of Us Use LabelsSome folks have Coming Out parties and call themselves gay, lesbian, bisexu al, or anything else theyd like If thats the case, theyll let you know what they identify as when the opportunity arises. Others dont like labels (begins to raise hand). They might be questioning, and they also might be 100% OK with not identifying as anything. How are you supposed to know whether or not someone wants to identify a certain way? Youre not Like any other personal detail, its entirely up to your co-worker to decide what to share and with whom. If you need to reference someone without using their name, you can privately ask what pronoun they prefer. No, its really as simple as asking, Hey, what pronoun do you prefer?Its hard to not want to categorize someone right away, but trust that your colleague will tell you exactly how much they want you to know or what they identify as (if anything at all). 2. Were Not Out to Everyone in the OfficeIf someone decides to come out to you, its probably because youre awesome and you listen. Chances are they trust you (a lot), but they dont feel the saatkorn way about everyone in the office. Plus, its a sensitive subject because for as long as people have worked, theyve lost their jobs or been rejected for openings simply because theyre queer. So how do you find out who your LGBTQ co-worker told or not? You dont (See a pattern here?) Its non-essential information to your prototyp working relationships. In the same way that youd never casually mention to your colleague that another co-worker is pregnant, you wouldnt slip on someones sexuality or gender identity. 3. We Dont Want You to Play MatchmakerYou might think, Hey, its hard dating. Let me set these two lesbians up. However, this is like finding out a co-worker was on Tinder and you responding, OMG, I know someone whos on Tinder You two would totally hit it off. Just because two people you know have one thing in common, doesnt mean theyd be a match. Yes, there are fewer people we can date, but that doesnt mean we dont have standards in personality type, value s, and everything else you care about, too. In the same way you wouldnt introduce your friend to your co-worker, This is John. Hes straight just like you, so you guys should talk- you wouldnt set up two queer folks just because theyre queer. Chances are your co-workers dont want to talk about their dating lives at work if theyre not already doing it, and plus, matchmakings a full-time job and you have one already. (If you dont, check out our 10,000 open jobs here.)4. The Questions You Ask Can Be Really HurtfulIll give you a couple Whats your type? So is it a he or a she? So whos the guy and whos the girl? What sucks most about these is that all of them are a result of simply not knowing. We live in a pretty black and white society. Youre either straight or youre gay, youre either a woman or a man- but the truth is theres so much more beyond that. Some of us live in the grey and others travel through the grey. Let me explain Who you crushed on when you were in high school is most lik ely different than who youd date today (unless youre with your high-school crush, and if thats the case, props for surviving the worst years together). Regardless, you evolve, learn, and adapt to what you like- and thats just us being human. Often times, answers to these questions dont exist. Maybe people told us that we are supposed to be a woman, but we dont want to be a woman, so we change, adapt, and grow. Maybe both of us have dominant personalities and were a powerhouse couple with no gender roles attached. Were changing your expectations of how humans look and act based off preconceived notions about gender. Were changing the dynamic of romantic relationships should look like because our stories havent been written yet. This has to be said point blank, though The (pretty common) question Im not gay, but if I was, would you want to hook up with me? always kills me. The equivalent would be your boss saying, Alright, youre married, but if you werent would you sleep with me? Its totally inappropriate (HR calls it sexual harassment) and can be completely avoidableYou might be asking, What questions can I ask then? Id suggest checking out sites like TheSafeZoneProject for terminology, PFLAG a website for families and friends of LGBTQAIP people, or GLAAD, an organization devoted to shaping conversations about LGBT folks. 5. Keep it ProfessionalSo, you just learned all this information. What should you do next? Try setting up your co-worker with your cousin who one time kissed a girl? Go above and beyond in asking if your colleague met any cute boys this weekend- after asking everyone else How was your weekend? No to all of the above. Treat this person as you always have- like your co-worker. (Unless, of course, youve just discovered you were being offensive if thats the case, change everything.)Now that youve got a better understanding of what not to do, you might decide its a good idea to go back and apologize for any offensive things you mightve said. Or, yo u can move forward knowing all of this and simply choose to keep your interactions professional (as they always should be). Now, this is of course a very high-level overview of the things that you, as our straight cis-gender counterparts should avoid- but there are more things you can do to become an ally and help create safe spaces for some pretty fantastic people. And above all else, remember This is our distributionspolitik of work so, please, be mindful and be respectful. Photo of co-workers courtesy of Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images.